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engineers vs people.......

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  • engineers vs people.......

    1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


    2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


    3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

    The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

    He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group fell silent for a moment.

    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


    4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


    5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


    6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

    The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



    7. Knock knock.

    Who's there?
    Interrupting coefficient of friction.
    Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


    8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


    9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


    10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...

    "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

    He replied, "They had eggs."
    34 FORD coupe...Cleveland POWERED https://mustangsandmore.vbulletin.ne...ilies/cool.png

    it`s nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.

    Keith

  • #2
    Very good ones. unk:
    '70 Mach 1 - '72 Sprint - '94 F-150 XL -'97 E-150 - '18 Edge SEL AWD

    My Mach's restoration progress
    My Sprint's restoration progress
    ”Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.” ~ Adam Smith

    Comment


    • #3
      Sounds to me like a confused love affair.
      Phil
      Friends are like wedgies..They know your inner self..They're intimately close..And it feels great when you pick out a good one.

      Comment


      • #4
        I deal with these F*ckers every single day, it's tiring to say the least, they pick apart everything! things that are insignificant they still pick them to pieces, they drive me f*ing nuts!!!! I know it's good to have such scrutiny when it comes to putting together airplanes, but when it comes to simple presentation wording, spelling, color of charts, metrics thresholds, etc. and discussing it for 5-10 minutes it's over the top, they have surely contributed to my daily alcohol intake.

        I never want to talk with another engineer after retire
        Ron

        Comment


        • #5
          As an engineer, that is so true.
          Rick Stevens
          Billet Fluid Line Clamps: www.lsbilletworks.com

          - FFR Mark III Cobra Replica (aka Rayne)
          - 68 Mustang Coupe - drag car under construction
          - 2012 F250 Powerstroke

          Comment


          • #6
            As an engineer I have to say 'that's not funny'.

            Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling a pig in the mud. After a while you get the feeling the pig is enjoying himself . . .
            Mark C ~
            M&M member #332
            1965 coupe - owned since '79
            1970 Mach 1 T-5 (export Mustang) - owned since '86
            http://mustangsandmore.com/memberpages/70MachT5.html
            "My '65 coupe is going back together"
            /___ ___ ___ \
            (]]]_ _ O _ __[[[)
            \_ o _ __ _ o _/
            |___| ...... |___|

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            • #7
              The latest conversation I listened to... Why is your stoplight color yellow? "because we are off plan but we have a plan in place" "yes but you're not meeting schedule shouldn't it be red?" "no the definition of red is...", this went on for about 5 minutes. I HATE ENGINEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to gouge my eyes out!
              Ron

              Comment


              • #8
                One of my best friends graduated with an engineering degree. Granted that's not the field he is in, but talk with him for 2 1/2 minutes and you can tell he is still an engineer. LOL
                Rob Hetzler
                M&M member since Oct 2000, #773
                Roxboro Dragway 2011 Top ET champion

                My Photo Page

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                • #9
                  It would make me very happy if engineers stuck to diving trains. I have nothing whatsoever to do with trains!

                  Yeah, I Know!
                  Gene
                  To quote my big brother: "Gettin' Old Ain't For Sissies"
                  '68 coupe/5.0/T5
                  '69 F250
                  '56 Chebbie 3200 P/U
                  '03 Miata (wife's ride)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I can always tell, when I'm pulling an order, if an Engineered submitted the Purchase order or if a Purchasing Agent submitted the order:

                    A Purchasing Agent submit total numbers of each item needed.

                    An Engineer will submit a 12 page order where I will go pull three of this, three of that, four of those, 20 feet of that.
                    And then REPEAT IT numerous times over!!!!!!! You can almost follow the lay out of the project from leg or section one to 12.
                    And I'm not even looking at the plans or blue prints.

                    I guess an Engineer can't add up how many widgets they need in total and submit it.:hammer::hammer::hammer:

                    Keep it simple. Life is to complicated as it is.......
                    Dave & Terri
                    M&M#166 MCA#47921
                    '65 Mustang Fastback~Ivy
                    '66 Mustang Coupe~Envy
                    '65 Mustang Coupe, 302, 3 speed~Tinker
                    '11 Edge~Kona Blue, V-6, 6 speed
                    "What do you mean pay attention! I can't afford to pay attention."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      On 4/1/16...

                      Ci8UUP posted "Another week in the book dealing with these nitpickers, and another week closer to retirement."

                      ford84stepside posted
                      • Way back when I was working construction, we were under the US Army Corps of Engineers [Tenn-Tom waterway, a Govt project]. Each crew had an assigned engineer, ours just happened to be the youngest, freshest out of college school boy you could get. He must have came from a family of engineers, because you couldn't understand half of what he was talking about, and I think he only understood about 25% of what we said. A real egghead type. I was crew foreman for a while after our foreman broke his leg at home, and I had to try to explain to the egghead why we did some things the way we did. He just couldn't get over the fact that some things didn't work and we had to change them, to him, if something was on paper drawn up by an engineer, it had to work. Had to argue with him many times it wasn't how you got to the finished product that mattered, it was the finished product meeting spec that mattered. We were doing concrete forming, and some of their layouts for supports would never have worked. He finally began to see things our way after a pour blew out after we had told him it wouldn't hold. Funny thing, nearly getting covered in 60 yards of wet concrete will make you change your mind quick!
                        He never second guessed our methods again!




                      '70 Mach 1 - '72 Sprint - '94 F-150 XL -'97 E-150 - '18 Edge SEL AWD

                      My Mach's restoration progress
                      My Sprint's restoration progress
                      ”Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.” ~ Adam Smith

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Another week dealing with these clowns. Let me first say I deal with ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT MINDS on a daily basis, but those brilliant minds act like f&cking retards!

                        Here is how a hypothetical review would go if I were presenting in a meeting... "Our study has concluded that it takes a woman 9 months from conception to having a baby". Engineer "why is that? why can't we have if faster?" answer: "you can but you probably wouldn't like the results"; engineer: "what if we had 9 wives, could we have a baby in a month?" answer: "I don't think that's possible", engineer: "you don't think that's possible? (Fatal error of words with an engineer) engineer: "go study this and come back in a week tell us your results."

                        A week goes by, "here are my results, if you get one pregnant every month it's possible to have one baby a month, but you must wait 9 months for the first one to be born" engineer: why is that?
                        Last edited by Ci8UUP; 04-14-2018, 07:20 PM.
                        Ron

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                        • #13
                          That’s as bad as listening to the peabrains in congress interrogating Zuckerberg. One of the old fossils this week actually said to Zuckerberg “So you have some sort of book with faces in it, could you explain exactly how it works?”

                          What planet do these imbeciles come from?
                          '70 Mach 1 - '72 Sprint - '94 F-150 XL -'97 E-150 - '18 Edge SEL AWD

                          My Mach's restoration progress
                          My Sprint's restoration progress
                          ”Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.” ~ Adam Smith

                          Comment

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